i just need to write.

im at that point in my life where i honestly feel like im nothing, like that no one wants me or anything. none of my relationships EVER work out, for some reason im just never good enough.

i had this friend, she was really pretty, everyone said we lookedl ike sisters, but then we would go out to the mall and guys would come up and hit on her and completely ignore me, and i felt like such shit

ive never broke up with a boyfriend it was always them for some bullshit reason it was never a ligitment reason which always made me feel even more worse i was on and off with a guy for 4 years and in the end, i gave up because he didnt love me. how can you be with someone for 4 years and not love them, sure he cared alot for me, but FOUR years i just never understood that.

im honestly wondering if i'll ever get married because it seems most people my age have something more promenate than i ever had. and im getting so sick of being single i just wanna be with someone.

so i havent done this in awhile, but i had alot on mind and i just felt like talking about it i guess.

i dont really know what im feeling, i just i dont know, its kinda confusion. i met this guy, david. and hes great theres all these good things about him. but because hes so great i doubt so much. i havent even met him yet because ive been grounded so in my mind im not commiting to anything because i dont realli know him yet. yes, i do like him but i can tell by the way he talks hes more into me, into us, than i am. he's thinkin the minute i get off grounding were going to be together. he talks about the future very seriously and hes risky because he already cares so much about me, and i do like him, i do. but on a scale from 1-100 i feel like im at a 40 with him and hes at like a 70 with me. and that scares me because ive never been in this position, ive always been in the postion with me caring more, and i always got hurt, and i dont want to hurt him, and i have the feeling im going to hurt him.

i can see myself with him, and being realli happy because of the fact that he does care so much about me already that its only going to get stronger and thats what ive always wanted. but i feel like im not supposed to have that, at least not right now. he does little things that make me smile and make me think 'oh hes good for me' but at the same time, i dont want him to. for example, im talkin to him on the phone and he tells me he has practice in the morning at 8 and hes on the phone with me at its like 3 in the morning and im like 'omg your crazy im letting you go' and hes like 'who needs sleep? whats better than talking to kylee?' and i love those little things like that but at the same time, i feel hes commited to me and he says little things that scare me because he talks to much of the future, how much time were going to spend together, how much fun were gonna have, i feel like ive already been in a relationship with him for months, im already close with his family and i just. i havent even met him and its like its so serious alread y.

i just get scared because ive never had this before, i always had guys who never knew how they felt about me, or if they did know that they cared me,  they treated me like  shit or i was just completely not attracted to them. so i guess it scares me that i could be this happy with someone, its like its not real and im scared that theres something i dont?

or im just scared that someone could really  care about me

lol la de da no one uses xxanga nomore? yall suck! lol well i feel like updating juss in case some people do still use it. :) lets see i got this amazing boyfriend named ryan! and i cant wait till steilacom starts school so he will have more free time. umm... school started and my classes suck but the others are awesome lets see my schedule?

blue day
1. french- miller
2. english- rooks
3. glass crafts- dykeman
4. history- chapman

orange day
1. food and people- swope
2. math- imbruglio
3. relationships- thurman
4. sports skills- dykeman

but yah im changing my math and sports skills and maybe relationships cause im not about to arguee with mr. imbruglio everyday like i did last year and bitch with him and crap cause its not worth it, i taught myself anyways and relationships seems hella gay but i might stay cause DP and ryan clemens are in that class and i love them and then sports skills i hated it last year and the only reason i liked it was cause i had coach miller, not football coach...basketball coach miller lol

but hmmm i guess theres nothing else to talk about? la de da bye bye lol

if you read it? comment it? maybe? lol

WOW havent talked on here in FOREVER!! and SO much has happened well iunno the past week has FLEW by lol lets see for starters...i met this amazing kid named ryan!! lol and thats going all good and stuff lol ^_^ all my friends like him and hes just super duper kewlie lol umm i havent realli been doing anything. my dad consist of working out, hanging out with ryan, visiting ryan at work, going to bubble island, and occasionally something different haha lately we all just kick it at my house and watch movies and stuff lol but everyone keeps getting annoyed of me for talking to ryan to much but me and ryan both say "we dont care!! you will get used to it!!" lol and ryan is calling me now lol how funni well i will go, does anyone read this?? lol oh well.

-xoxo-
<3 KYLEE